Mama Bear roars!

You see this sweet face? No...not the one gazing lovingly at his mommy. The other one. That's my sister. Yes, she is very sweet too, until you mess with someone she loves.

She cut me off before I could finish telling her my story of woe. She instructed me to put down the phone with her, call social services and open up a can of you-know-what. Forget about all of this spiritual, patience, nicey nice stuff.

I didn't realize that I needed this kick in the pants until I followed her instructions. I've had not only 1, but 2 conversations with 2 different social workers in the last 30 minutes. They are very clear that Mama Fox is ready for a cub. I've been assured that our case is the next to process on the list.

Thanks sis!

changed my mind

I thought I could hold out from writing on this blog until little Foxie arrives. I just have a little something on my mind. This waiting period is challenging to manage.

I've noticed on a few other blogs about adoption that there is a lot of journaling about the decision to adopt and then about the process ~ but then there are these long chunks of time missing before you see beautiful stories of child placements. I get it now. It's a very vulnerable place to be in to know that you have very little control of this time period.

Our social worker cancelled our final acceptance meeting this week due to a new boss' inefficiency. On one hand I want to scream and ask him if he realizes how many families he's effecting?? On the other hand I have no doubt that it's just not our time right now. I have complete faith that our child will show up when he/she is meant to. It's just a little tough in this American culture of instant gratification. I have this sense of expecting my child sooner than later because she/he will be "store-bought" compared to the relatively known expectations of the 9 month process of "home-baked." I love that one--I borrowed that concept from a pediatric nurse who has one of each.

Ok, I'm feeling better by the moment. Feel free to shower me with reminders to have a sense of humor and of course the sense of surrender.

time flies!

Wowsa! It's been more than a month since writing on this blog. Since the last time I wrote, we've had our home inspection (we're totally baby-proofed now), and 2 home studies. We have our final case worker meeting on August 18th and then we'll officially be on the wait list. This is a seriously watered down account of our experiences this month, but I'm gonna keep it that way for a while. I keep getting caught up in other people's anxiety to rush this process, but when I talk to Dayn, my anchor, I'm consistently reminded that the right child will show up in God's timing. So, provided that something major doesn't happen before we're placed, the next post should have a picture of Little Fox. Thanks so much for ALL of your love and support!!

Sigh of relief!

I've been enjoying a little pity party all morning, well afternoon too--I ate a cheeseburger, fries, coke, and carrot cake for lunch (all gluten-free of course :) What, you ask, could possibly send Michelle over the edge? Well, thanks for asking.

I have a friend who just had a baby (CONGRATULATIONS D) and I noticed on her blog that a lot of the people who commented have adopted or are in the process of adoption. So naturally I had to "research" (another way to say nosey) their experiences. Everyone I read about this morning is blissfully parenting or on their way to parenthood. We haven't heard anything from DHS for over a month now--besides my pestering calls that haven't been too productive. Dayn is a great anchor in that he continues to remind me that our child is going to appear in perfect timing. I agree, but I allowed my Monday morning pity party anyhow.

Well...I just got off the phone with a lovely woman from DHS who called for more information from us AND to schedule our first home study. Yippppppeeeeeeeee! They haven't forgotten about us. She apologized for the long wait and explained that her department has been in transition for about a month now. She's planning to meet at our house on next Monday. I'll keep you posted! No more cheeseburgers--for now. :0

My new nephew!

As you can see, we've been a little busy this week welcoming Layton Cade Roberson to the family. He is so beautiful and perfect! Enjoy the show...

Make a Smilebox postcard

Dayn wins!

I've been looking for ways to create more space in my life so mothering won't be as overwhelming. I've been so focused on our schedules that I've sort of overlooked a physical space for the child. I've been holding on tight to my art studio which is located next to our guest room. Dayn's had his eyes on it all along. Spaces for my creativity have been revealing themselves all around our house in this past week (the garden, the kitchen, my computer work space, the guest room, etc.). Yes, cousin M, I will gladly keep your guest room open and create a nursery in the studio.

I'm open to ideas for decoration. I'm still in the daydreaming phase as we don't know whether to make a big girl room or a baby boy nursery or anything in between.

The elephant in the room...

So, I just finished hosting my sister's baby shower last weekend. It was amazingly fun to see friends and family and to celebrate the birth of my nephew ~ due date: 6/17/08. It's been interesting to hear some of the comments made about my own fertility journey. I also know it's not polite to ask someone why they're not pregnant and their younger sister is, so I'll try to alleviate some discomfort.

Dayn and I originally planned to start our family by adopting a child. Through time, we got a little off course. We did "try" to get pregnant off and on for about 2 years. It didn't happen, so we began to look at our options. Fertility treatments are out of the question for both of us. Now that I'm 35 years old, I feel more focused on being a Mom compared to focused on carrying a child. Adoption just makes sense for us. Biological makes sense for my sister and her husband. We're both on different paths to motherhood and I am truly 100% excited that we get to share the journey into raising children very soon.

I'm also at peace that we may not be able to produce a biological child. I have faith that my need to mother matches the need of my future children to be mothered. This can happen so many different ways and I'm looking forward to seeing how it all unfolds.

I hope this helps answer any fertility questions that you may be uncomfortable asking. If not, consider this blog as an invitation to ask me uncomfortable questions. It takes a village to raise a child and I want my village to be as open, loving and receptive as possible!

With Love, Michelle