Mama Bear roars!

You see this sweet face? No...not the one gazing lovingly at his mommy. The other one. That's my sister. Yes, she is very sweet too, until you mess with someone she loves.

She cut me off before I could finish telling her my story of woe. She instructed me to put down the phone with her, call social services and open up a can of you-know-what. Forget about all of this spiritual, patience, nicey nice stuff.

I didn't realize that I needed this kick in the pants until I followed her instructions. I've had not only 1, but 2 conversations with 2 different social workers in the last 30 minutes. They are very clear that Mama Fox is ready for a cub. I've been assured that our case is the next to process on the list.

Thanks sis!

changed my mind

I thought I could hold out from writing on this blog until little Foxie arrives. I just have a little something on my mind. This waiting period is challenging to manage.

I've noticed on a few other blogs about adoption that there is a lot of journaling about the decision to adopt and then about the process ~ but then there are these long chunks of time missing before you see beautiful stories of child placements. I get it now. It's a very vulnerable place to be in to know that you have very little control of this time period.

Our social worker cancelled our final acceptance meeting this week due to a new boss' inefficiency. On one hand I want to scream and ask him if he realizes how many families he's effecting?? On the other hand I have no doubt that it's just not our time right now. I have complete faith that our child will show up when he/she is meant to. It's just a little tough in this American culture of instant gratification. I have this sense of expecting my child sooner than later because she/he will be "store-bought" compared to the relatively known expectations of the 9 month process of "home-baked." I love that one--I borrowed that concept from a pediatric nurse who has one of each.

Ok, I'm feeling better by the moment. Feel free to shower me with reminders to have a sense of humor and of course the sense of surrender.

time flies!

Wowsa! It's been more than a month since writing on this blog. Since the last time I wrote, we've had our home inspection (we're totally baby-proofed now), and 2 home studies. We have our final case worker meeting on August 18th and then we'll officially be on the wait list. This is a seriously watered down account of our experiences this month, but I'm gonna keep it that way for a while. I keep getting caught up in other people's anxiety to rush this process, but when I talk to Dayn, my anchor, I'm consistently reminded that the right child will show up in God's timing. So, provided that something major doesn't happen before we're placed, the next post should have a picture of Little Fox. Thanks so much for ALL of your love and support!!

Sigh of relief!

I've been enjoying a little pity party all morning, well afternoon too--I ate a cheeseburger, fries, coke, and carrot cake for lunch (all gluten-free of course :) What, you ask, could possibly send Michelle over the edge? Well, thanks for asking.

I have a friend who just had a baby (CONGRATULATIONS D) and I noticed on her blog that a lot of the people who commented have adopted or are in the process of adoption. So naturally I had to "research" (another way to say nosey) their experiences. Everyone I read about this morning is blissfully parenting or on their way to parenthood. We haven't heard anything from DHS for over a month now--besides my pestering calls that haven't been too productive. Dayn is a great anchor in that he continues to remind me that our child is going to appear in perfect timing. I agree, but I allowed my Monday morning pity party anyhow.

Well...I just got off the phone with a lovely woman from DHS who called for more information from us AND to schedule our first home study. Yippppppeeeeeeeee! They haven't forgotten about us. She apologized for the long wait and explained that her department has been in transition for about a month now. She's planning to meet at our house on next Monday. I'll keep you posted! No more cheeseburgers--for now. :0

My new nephew!

As you can see, we've been a little busy this week welcoming Layton Cade Roberson to the family. He is so beautiful and perfect! Enjoy the show...

Make a Smilebox postcard

Dayn wins!

I've been looking for ways to create more space in my life so mothering won't be as overwhelming. I've been so focused on our schedules that I've sort of overlooked a physical space for the child. I've been holding on tight to my art studio which is located next to our guest room. Dayn's had his eyes on it all along. Spaces for my creativity have been revealing themselves all around our house in this past week (the garden, the kitchen, my computer work space, the guest room, etc.). Yes, cousin M, I will gladly keep your guest room open and create a nursery in the studio.

I'm open to ideas for decoration. I'm still in the daydreaming phase as we don't know whether to make a big girl room or a baby boy nursery or anything in between.

The elephant in the room...

So, I just finished hosting my sister's baby shower last weekend. It was amazingly fun to see friends and family and to celebrate the birth of my nephew ~ due date: 6/17/08. It's been interesting to hear some of the comments made about my own fertility journey. I also know it's not polite to ask someone why they're not pregnant and their younger sister is, so I'll try to alleviate some discomfort.

Dayn and I originally planned to start our family by adopting a child. Through time, we got a little off course. We did "try" to get pregnant off and on for about 2 years. It didn't happen, so we began to look at our options. Fertility treatments are out of the question for both of us. Now that I'm 35 years old, I feel more focused on being a Mom compared to focused on carrying a child. Adoption just makes sense for us. Biological makes sense for my sister and her husband. We're both on different paths to motherhood and I am truly 100% excited that we get to share the journey into raising children very soon.

I'm also at peace that we may not be able to produce a biological child. I have faith that my need to mother matches the need of my future children to be mothered. This can happen so many different ways and I'm looking forward to seeing how it all unfolds.

I hope this helps answer any fertility questions that you may be uncomfortable asking. If not, consider this blog as an invitation to ask me uncomfortable questions. It takes a village to raise a child and I want my village to be as open, loving and receptive as possible!

With Love, Michelle

In the meantime...

...a beautiful title by Iyanla Vanzant and a great reminder from my girl Rebekah. That's where we are right now: living in our "meantime." Here are a few photos of what's kept us busy during our gestation period ~

celebrating our girl Iyoba's 35th!

watching my beautiful sister and "little man" grow!

visiting family in San Diego!

playing a lot of golf!

We've finished First Aid/CPR--I feel a lot safer around Dayn now that he can save me from choking. We'll turn all of our paperwork in this Saturday to then be given a caseworker. Next step: home study!

Happy Spring!

Still raw!

So we take our last parenting class next Tuesday. It's funny that when we began classes I couldn't wait for them to be over, and now that we're almost finished, I'm not quite ready to let go. We've connected with 11 other families who are going through training with us. I'm so curious to see how all of their stories turn out.

Update for inquiring minds: if I have my way, we'll have our new addition towards the end of July. Next steps are First Aid/CPR training, finger printing, home preparations and home study. I'll let you know how it goes.

THANK YOU for all of your love and support!!

Dazed

So, it's 2 days since our 1st parenting class. Raw is the only word to describe how we've felt since Tuesday night. Our trainer/social worker Mike explained to us that it's his job to ensure that we're sure that we're sure that we want to add to our family. It felt almost like warfare. He discussed many worst case scenarios in pretty vivid detail. I think I sobbed for a good hour of the class. There are just so many children who are in the system and who are at the mercy of so many other people outside of themselves. I left class with a real desire to purchase a large bundle of land so I can build a campus and just adopt at least 1,000 children so I can protect them and love them. Dayn ended that conversation pretty quickly. Needless to say, we're in it for the long term.

Waiting

So I've had a splitting headache all afternoon. I figured out it's because we have our first class tonight and I am so beyond excited to go yet I can't do anything about it because I'm supposed to be at my desk and focusing on my work, {take a breath Michelle.} So, because I can't focus on anything productive, I've been working on this pre-receiving-our child montage. Enjoy!

Pre Child Slideshow 3/18/08

Song for my child

I was driving home from work and India.Arie's voice came streaming in from the radio. Here are the words to the song that reminded me how in love I already am with my child...

It's like yesterday
I didn't even know your name
Now today
You're always on my mind
I never could have predicted that I'd feel this way
You are a beautiful surprise
Intoxicated every time I hear your voice
You've got me on a natural high
It's almost like I didn't even have a choice
You are a beautiful surprise
Whatever it is that you came to teach me
I am here to learn it cause
I believe that we are written in the stars
I don't know what the future holds
But I'm living in the moment
And I'm thankful for the {child} that you are, you are, you are
You are everything I ask for in my prayers
So I know my angels brought you to my life
Your energy is healing to my soul
You are a beautiful surprise
You are an inspiration to my life
You are the reason why I smile
You are a beautiful surprise

Famous adoptees

I just found a list of famous people who were adopted as children. Here are a few of my favorite:

Clarissa Pinkola Estes - author


Dave Thomas - entrepreneur: founder of Wendy's


Eleanor Roosevelt - First Lady


Faith Hill - country singer


Greg Louganis - athlete


Jesse Jackson - minister

Malcolm X - civil rights leader


Moses - Biblical leader


Nancy Reagan - First Lady


Nat King Cole - singer


Nelson Mandela - politician


President William Clinton - politician


Sarah McLachlan - singer


Scott Hamilton - figure skater


Steve Jobs - entrepreneur: co-founder of Apple computer


Tim McGraw - country singer

Parenting classes

For inquiring minds...

Here are the 9 modules (3 hours each) that we will be participating in most Tuesdays and Thursdays for March and April. It turns out our first class is March 18, not the 17th.


1
Introduction to Resource Parenting

2
Working with Birth Parents & Raising Children

3
Challenges and Support

4
Attachment, Grief & Loss

5
Discipline

6
Teens in Care & Growth and Development

7
Human Sexuality

8
Foster Care and Adoption

9
Changes/Preparing for the Next Steps

Trippy feelings!

First, shout out to Dayno! Today is his birthday. He's off to play golf with Dad, Mike, Cousin Keith and friends. Have fun birthday boy!!

So being an expectant adoptive mother has certain nuances that have surprised me. For instance, I went to Babies R Us a few weekends ago to shop for 2 separate baby showers. I thought, "well since I'm here...." I checked out the strollers and I debated about whether or not I should buy the jog stroller since of course I'd be recovering from child birth and I probably will have to have a c-section from a past surgery and I don't know how soon I'll be able to jog again and then, oh yeah--the baby's not coming out of my body. hmmmm, a little trippy.

The other head trip happened when I asked my OB/GYN if she knew much about baby formula. She's well aware of my gluten and dairy intolerance, so I thought she'd be the perfect reference for gluten & dairy free formula for my child. Once again, it didn't hit me until later that there's a great possibility that our child will be perfectly healthy and WITHOUT my health limitations. I've been having fun laughing at myself. Thanks for laughing with me!!

18 more days until our 1st parenting class (but who's counting).

We see the light...

So, we keep getting very sincere responses to our news and I feel the desire to clear something up. Dayn and I are returning to our original dream of how we want to start our family. When we first met, we often talked about adopting a child before having a biological child so that he or she would know that they truly belonged in our family. It turns out that in the last 9 years of our relationship we have let ourselves be carried away by outside energy. I began to long for carrying a baby bump. Girlfriends would tell me how magical the process is. Most of our friends have or are having a baby right now. Our families would talk about how they couldn't wait to meet our child. Neighbors told us how beautiful our child would be, and on and on and on. While all of this is such a beautiful part of life, it is not what we're choosing right now. Through prayer, meditation, and A LOT of talking, we've returned to our center and things have so amazingly fallen into place for us. And so, the journey continues...

We begin parenting classes on March 17th and should be finished by the end of May. We then have 9 hours of a home study by a Social Worker. After fingerprints we should be eligible to recieve a child by June or July.

The Foxies have great news!!

Yes, but no...that's how I've been answering the question before bursting into the exciting news of our ADOPTION!! Dayn and I are finally on the same page about how we want to start our family and (surprisingly enough) the Universe is lining right up to bring it to us.

We've investigated Chinese adoption, Catholic Charities adoption, and now finally adoption through Denver Human Services (DHS). Our process should be quick, but thankfully not as quick as we expected. DHS requires 27 hours of parenting classes before we get our home study which is necessary before we get a BABY. DHS pays for all of these services and we have a good amount of choice about who we want to adopt (0-3 years old, bi-racial/AA, boy or girl, etc.).

Dayn and I take our 1st parenting class on 3/17, so if all goes well, we should have a little bambina/bambino this Summer! I'll keep you posted. Love, Michelle